Karma and Why We Should Exit Any Relationship in a Healthy Way?
Updated: Oct 24
What are we? We are all just vibrating energy. We are Aum. We are creation and we are forever changing, though our mind holds us hostage to this belief that we are this permanent human, living in a world where we are separate from every other being. Therefore, sitting in ignorance that our thoughts and actions are separate from others and how one behaves is just about oneself.
Infused in vibration is an intelligence, different from the intelligence of the mind, known as consciousness, or soul. That is the true you, the conscious intelligence that is embedded in every atom that constitutes matter, the building block of all creation. However, it is often difficult to connect to the true you, consciousness, as it is wearing a human form, which is so fraught with desires and attachments to the external world, that you have forgotten who you really are.
The heavier the human form the more buried you become under its nature, the forces and illusions required for creation to exist. By heavy I mean, the body is misaligned, the muscles contracted and heavy, the mind overactive or dull, the breath shallow, and the thoughts and emotions often in negativity. Thus, making it harder for you to wade through it all, to connect to your consciousness.
Know that even though we are birthed from the same universal consciousness, your individual essence will be different from others because of the impressions and karmas that have been inscribed on your consciousness from the time of your coming into existence, including your present-day manifestation. It is these Impressions and karmas which play out in your habits, behaviours, thoughts, and so forth, that keep you in the false belief that you are separate from other beings.
In addition to this, every cell in the human form also holds memories from your ancestors, and every word, behaviour, and sensory experience you have ever had. Together, the memory, karma, and impressions constitute the conditioned programmed you.
Remove the power of impressions, break negative karmas, raise awareness of your conditioned self, and what begins to happen is the awareness and purification of your consciousness. As well as the removal of the power of memory to influence you.
The result is the knowledge that you are in fact just pure intelligent light that is one with every other soul/consciousness in the universe, separated only by illusions and ignorance.
Somewhere down this path of self-exploration and realization, you will begin to understand that your every thought, word and action impacts everyone because you are them and they are you.
That is why it is so important to be aware of the thoughts, words, emotions, and actions that arise from us and are often hurled out into the world. For those thoughts and their various manifesting arms not only affect you but also the vibrational energy that surrounds you, that is also you. So yes, swear words, anger, aggression, hate etc. all carry a vibration that is harmful and yes even violent.
Ahimsa in yoga, to be nonviolent, is not about only abstaining from physical violence, but also violence in our thoughts and our words, towards others and ourselves.
Why is this important? Well because in a way we are just like stars. As they transition through the distinct phases of their celestial bodies, they emit light. The more energy they exude the brighter they are until they absorb back into darkness.
We humans are no different, the more we raise our energy the more luminous we become. When we finally shed the outer human form, as a star sheds it outer layers, we too shall merge back into aum, the cosmic vibration and eventually depending on our vibration into the absolute.
The frequency or realms, we enter is dependent on the vibration of our energy upon death. The freer we are of our conditionings and karmas, the more pure our mind and body, the higher the frequency we shall merge into not only in this limited life, but as we leave the body and continue our celestial journey.
If you choose to sit in your conditionings and desires, then your energy remains at a lower frequency, which just means that when you move on in your journey, without the human skin, you will merge into a lower frequency. According to all scriptures, and my firsthand experiences in meditative states, this frequency will be uncomfortable, just as life in the human form.
Let’s face it, we all want to be liberated from the bondage of suffering, fear, and the influence of our conditionings. Who amoung us does not want a life filled with light, peace, and joy? Yes I know, when you look around you and see bad people having good things in their life, you question karma.
Karma is not instant, nor is it only bad. We also accumulate good karma, which can arrive years, even decades, and lifetimes after the cause. This is why you can have good things happen to bad people, as good karma from past actions is being fulfilled.
It is why it is so important that as any relationship, work or personal, ends in our lives we end them from a place of love, kindness, and understanding. Because as we walk away, the impressions from that relationship and how it ended will be embedded in our energy. They will then hold a part of our energy hostage, thereby affecting not only our ability to connect to and lead from consciousness but our vibrational magnetic field and therefore our reality, here and beyound.
You may not be able to influence the actions of others, but you can always influence your own.
But let me bring this to a level that is easier to understand.
The first is the concept of love and compassion. At the start of my yogic path, due to lack of teachers and poor understanding of these concepts, I thought to love meant to love no matter how the other person treated you. I believed that if you really loved someone, you stood by them no matter how they treated you or spoke to you because that’s what it meant to love someone. How wrong I was. How dangerous having only half knowledge can be to oneself and others.
It was not only ignorance of what love meant that harmed me, but also all the impressions I had attached to from the society I was raised in. Where men spoke to women in a certain way, or vice versa, and it was accepted because that’s what was done in marriages and relationships because that is what they had learnt.
However, as my knowledge expanded and teachers entered my life, I learned that Love was not to be given to the detriment of oneself. That sometimes, we must walk away from relationships that are harming us on an energetic level, and continue to give love from a distance, in our thoughts. It does not mean to stop loving, but rather to alter the medium in which it is given.
The other is the concept of This is Who I Am. Before I began this journey, I often used the phrase, this is who I am and If you don´t like it tough. As if that one statement excused all my behaviors, thoughts, and words.
I was so convinced that this idea of who I was, was the truth. But the truth is, who we believe are, is just a collection of impressions, experiences, and narratives that have been imparted to us from various people, experiences, and sources, in our journey through life.
It was only when I fully began to understand consciousness and the true self, was I then able to see myself in my own behaviours and thoughts, but also in the people that surrounded me.
Because here is the thing about us humans. We surround ourselves with people who are just like us. But many of us do it for the wrong reasons. We do it to validate our behaviours, to support our actions, because really if there is a group of us behaving the same way it can´t be wrong. When really those people who surround us, should act as mirrors for us to see who we are and to experience ourselves through them, rather than be limited by them.
When I then went on to judge those different from me, it was done so to protect my own self-image and had nothing to do with them. Because in acknowledging their differences and perspectives, I would have to reexamine mine. myself.
It is no surprise we do this as humans. Because our entire sense of self is based on a foundation that can collapse at any minute. As it is most often not based on truth or self-realizations. But on beliefs given to us by others and therefore subject to doubt. Therefore, to avoid doubt we protect ourselves by any means possible. We attach ourselves to labels and then ask everyone to validate those labels, we argue with anyone who challenges us, and we kick and scream so no one challenges us, while we stick with our flock. All the time claiming that we are open-minded.
Then one day, if you are on this spiritual journey you begin to shed the influence of all your conditionings. You open your body with asanas, use breath to let energy flow through you with pranayama, change your thought process by following the guidelines of yamas and niyamas, and meditate to connect to the true you. It is from this vantage point that you begin to observe the layers, the koshas, of the human cloak that dons your celestial being.
Now as a side note, you have to be a very evolved human to burn all the seeds of impressions that sit in you. However, awareness of what it means to let go, is not to eradicate a memory or emotion, but to remove its power of influence over you. To no longer allow it to draw your attention and energy, or to influence your actions.
When I arrived here, the platform of objective observation, I began to realise that I was flying to a place that not all those around me would understand. I had always known that a time would come when some relationships would end because we were no longer at the same level of awareness nor on the same paths. Because everyone who enters our journey, for a minute, for years, for weeks does so for a reason. When that reason has been satisfied, that karma fulfilled, then they shall exit. Or you will hold on to those relationships and get stuck. If you remain stuck long enough, you begin to believe this is who you are.
But here is where it goes all wrong. The exit. Because we humans love to attach our sense of self to everything external to us, including people, and very rarely to our true inner self. Thus, when the time comes to go our separate ways, it rarely happens with kindness and love. Breakups force us to look at ourselves, but as many of us don´t want to do that we instead focus on the other person. Often ripping them to shreds for us to stay intact and avoid looking at ourselves.
I am no different, I once was that person I speak about above. I was aggressive in how I spoke to people, I always had to be right, and if someone did not agree with me, I walked away. So embedded was I in protecting the idea of myself, that I just did not want to see or hear any other narrative. Let’s be honest, change is a hard process, because it cannot come without self-observation. Self-observation without self-love or self-worth is an almost impossible task.
Therefore, it is easier to sit in THIS IS WHO I AM.
It was only when I reached a certain stage in my yogic journey, did I have the tools to begin self-exploration from a place of self-love and self-forgiveness. To see that truly, I was the one and only source of my suffering. All my suffering stemmed from what sat within me and my reaction and attachment to the world around me.
It was easier when I understood that all I had believed was me, was not me at all, but others’ ideas of what I should be, to support their own ideas of themselves.
Then came the break ups. Understanding energy and karma at a much higher level I knew that all I could do was say goodbye from a place of gratitude, love, and compassion. Knowing how I left would leave an impression on my own energy and if done from a place of anger, would affect my own frequency and create new karma that would require satisfying at some point.
It took me a long time to be aware that all those people I was leaving behind were in fact me. I was in fact breaking up with my past self, so I had no right to be angry, for I was once a version of them.
Every thought and act we attach is a cause that will give rise to an effect at some point in our existence.
Where I accepted behaviours in relationships that hurt me, I really could not blame them, for it was me who had allowed it. The question to then ask was why had I allowed it? What was it inside of me that thought I was worthy of being spoken to or treated in a certain way? Why was my throat chakra so closed that I could not speak or stand up for myself? They were all paths I needed to walk down, to understand my conditioning. Blaming the other person was of no benefit at all to anyone.
Therefore, I knew that instead of anger, I had to forgive them and myself, wishing them nothing but love and then to keep moving forward. To give them gratitude, as they had got me to where I was. But also, for the love they had given me. Anything other than love and compassion in any separation would only harm me, as well as add to the collective karma. Because again, I was connected to everything in the universe.
In all the years I have worked with trauma, I have learnt that often we are taught from childhood experiences to give love through anger, jealousy, violence and so forth. Not understanding that this is not really love, but a negative behaviour that has been justified by attaching it to love. Even when engaged in these low frequency behaviours and emotions without a conscious intention to harm, the very vibration of them creates harm.
It is also important to grieve the loss of any relationship. For grieving ensures that we do not deeply bury or inscribe that relationship into our cellular memory, muscles, bones, and consciousness. It is why you feel better and lighter after you cry, after a good yoga class, or engaging in a healthy release of some form.
Know that once realised who you are and your connection to everything, as well as what lies outside of the limitations of the human form, no one can ever again rise doubt in you. As such, there is never a need for anger, jealousy, or any other defensive emotion, because you find yourself sitting in unshakable love and knowing.
Therefore humans, if you are on this journey of self-realization, do not be alarmed if on the way up, some will fall away, and others will join for periods of time. This leap-frog of humans will continue throughout your journey, so learn to say goodbye with love and compassion, no matter what the circumstance, and then keep moving. Hold nothing but thoughts of love and compassion for those who have crossed your path, even if that crossing was challenging or hurtful. Remember every crossing occurs for a reason. For you to give, for you to receive or for an exchange. That every exit leaves an impression, so choose the impression you want to leave on your consciousness, your entire being.
Never engage in judgment or anger. Remember we are all conditioned beings. That person you are saying goodbye to is sitting in a conditioning as well. If they are unaware of it or do not want to change it, that is part of their journey. Accept it and understand it. Just because you walk away, it does not mean you do not love them or care for them. It means that you also love and care for yourself, from a place of selfless love, not selfish love.
Humans, you are here in this form, to just learn and evolve. To connect to your true self and fulfill your purpose, which seeks to connect you to consciousness and support others to do so as well. To move us collectively forward to a place of light. Often on that journey, you will have to say bye to people, and when you reach that crossroad, touch your heart, say namaste and thank you, and move forward with nothing but love and compassion, no matter how the other behaves. Choose to not step into darkness but remain in light and love. Choose evolution, not stagnation.
I promise you it will come back and gift you with magic when you least expect it.
But don’t take my word for anything I have written here today. Try it for yourself and see what happens. As teachers, our responsibility is to provide correct knowledge and tools for change, as students it is your responsibility to go out and realize these truths for yourself.